Pandas. Everyone one of them political, pandering pandas. As Big Mouth said previously, "Let's stop kidding ourselves that any Republican will support queer people with their actions in office instead of throwing us to their party when they need to shore up their base."

From Mitt Romney, I expect this whole sacrifice-the-queers behavior. And Bloomberg has always found economic prosperity and the almighty dollar (and its Republican allies) more imporant than social justice. Even John McCain, while appearing liberal in the press, has always voted conservatively in the Senate and even went all weird during the '04 election, so this Falwell business wasn't that surprising. But for all you hopeful folks out there who thought former New York Mayor Rudolph Giuliani really was the kind social heart inside the Republican money/spin machine (despite the way he censored artists and suppressed free speech during his time in office), get a load of this:

In a Southern Foray, Giuliani Helps a Friend but Skirts an Issue

He's a panda, they are pandas; wouldn't you like to be a panda, too?

It shot all over the blogosphere, made it's way up to e-mail forwarding, and is now probably being broadcast on Al Jazeera: yup, that Open Letter to Jay Leno from Jeff Whitty. If you managed not to read this thing, check out this post on Queerty. I actually got it sent to me by a buh-jillion different people; no need for me to wonder what my friends think of when they hear the words "angry queer."

Equally as notorious, at this point, is Jackie Beat's response and Mr. Whitty's and Ms. Beat's subsequent peace-making - not that they were at war, but you know how us gay bitches can be.

So what's my beef with Mr. Whitty (because you know I have one, or I wouldn't be posting)? Before I start, let's all cheer on and commend Mr. Whitty for actually speaking up when something upset him. How many itmes have we just gotten upset and sucked it up? Too many. So, hooray!

And now the beef...

First, let's start with: Jay Leno sucks. He's not funny, so how can you tell he's making jokes at the expesnse of gay people? I don't even know when he's making jokes.

Second, Mr. Whitty why are you biting back at Mr. Leno while simultaneously making all queers look like the weakest, most pathetic and most unable-to-defend-themselves-able people on earth? Isn't it ironic, doncha think?

Alan Bennett, the bigotry boys' headmaster

For his personal gain, gay playwright Alan Bennett would like you to forget recent history, pretend the queer rights movement never happened, and recreate those heavenly days when embracing gay identity meant becoming a washed up pedophile, impotent cripple, or insane recluse. And with the transfer from London's West End to New York's Great White Way of his repugnantly, unabashedly bigoted and self-loathing play The History Boys, it looks like Mr. Bennett is gaining considerably from his homophobic lapse in memory. I attended last night's opening performance at the The Broadhurst Theatre and witnessed decades of queer liberation getting pissed on to thunderous applause.

Before I go on, I should say that The National Theatre's well-executed production features a company that skillfully elicits compassion, inspired yet efficient direction, and admirable production design that includes sudden colors in stark gray classrooms and simple and effective video. The play inself masterfully handles rhetorical language and makes intriguing insights about commemorating events to erase them, subjunctive futures, and constructed histories. Unfortunately, being articulate and well-produced (and himself queer) does not make Mr. Bennett any less bigoted, just as being articulate and well-produced did not make Hitler any less an anti-Semetic monster.

Here are the three queer characters: 1) Hector, a 60-something general studies teacher who fondles the cutest boys while driving them home on his motorbike; 2) Irwin, a mid-20's history teacher bold in rewriting the world's history, but weak and filled with trepidation in having a personal one; and completing the multi-generational hate-fest is 3) Posner, a boy in his final year of grammar school exploring and embracing his queerness. Throw in straight boy Dakin and have him dangle sexual favors in front of all three so they are reduced to pathetic, panting lap dogs, and you've got an award-winning play!

I realize that associating child pornography and molestation with queerness is a connection more often pursued by people trying to deflect attention from the pedophiles they've been sheltering with tens of millions of dollars of God's money (I'm talking about Pope Joey the Rat, here) and by such hate groups disguised as lovefests like the American Fundamentalists - uh...Family Association and the Concerned Bigots - uh...Women of America, but if you're a Big Queer reader that has somehow managed to remain a Justin Berry virgin, I'm here to pop your Berry cherry.

Not because I think gay people are all child molesters like the aforementioned freaky, deaky bigots; I, for one, find twinks to be about as consumable as their namesake - those disgusting chemically conjured psuedo-sponge cakes that inspire hate crimes against queer political leaders. By which I mean, I don't dig the young and am, in fact, mystified that people do. Rather, I think all lesbian, gay, and trans folk should pay attention to the media coverage of Mr. Berry's transformation from pedophile victim to media darling because most of it centers around age-old American sex panic.

Day One

It's around 8:30 a.m. and I'm in the weight room of the Long Island City YMCA. As you can probably guess, the Y is pretty no-frills (and not at all like that scene in The Village People's Can't Stop the Music), so there's no DJ spinning music. There isn't even one of those pre-recorded, dance hits of the 90's workout CDs. No, no - all we get at the Y are morning radio shows, which is usually just fine. Especially these days since I've been fostering an uncharacteristic obsession with pop star James Blunt.

The music selecting gods of the YMCA aren't having any of that this morning, though, so it's energetic hip-hop that's fueling our workouts. Or it would be, if radio stations actually played music anymore (remember life before the evils of Clear Channel?). So instead of busting rhymes, we're listening to a bunch of dumbass radio personalities interviewing Juvenile whose offerring some farily interesting perspectives on this year's Mardi Gras in his native New Orleans. Not that you can hear what he's saying because Mr. Radio Personality just keeps on saying the word "faggot."

Republican Governor Mitt Romney of Massachusetts has decided to take on queer parents. Not directly, of course - that would make him a bigot. Instead he's hiding in the Forest of Wonking Policies and allowing Catholic Charities to wear the bigot pants. Don't get me wrong, they fit them quite well, I'm just sure that there is a pair of bigot pants out there that will fit Mitt perfectly, too.

In what is surely a move to pander to religious conservatives in preparation for his 2008 bid for the Republican Presidential nomination, Romney seeks to create an exception to Massachusetts law that will allow Catholic Charities - the charitable arm of the Roman Catholic Church (unfortunately cuffed by the not-so charitable arms of Joey the Rat, err...Pope Benedict XVI) - to refuse to place children in the homes of gay and lesbian couples. The exception would dance right around a Massachusetts anti-discrimination law.

In hopes of becoming the Political Pandering Panda, Romney also stated that he would sign a bill banning all abortions (including those for pregnancies resulting from rape or incest) if it were presented to him. Which it hasn't been. He just wants all those religious conservatives to know that this Panda is ready to politically pander post-haste - pre-haste really. In Massachusetts or South Dakota or Mississippi - where ever they'll take his Pandering Panda Ass, as long as he can be President.

Which has led me to the following conclusion: Mitt Romney hates babies.

After ruling in January that denying same-sex marriage to couples violates Maryland's Constitution, Baltimore Circuit Judge M. Brooke Murdock is now facing impeachment. In other words, ruling for marriage equality is clearly the action of a judge who is incompetent and incapable of doing her/his job. General Assembly Delegate Donald H. Dwyer, Jr. (R - of course) is behind this new and insane tactic.

Remember that State of the Union address wherein George W. Bush related "activist" judges to the criminal activity of all those Jack Abramoff bribe-taking Congress people? Here's that quote again: [Many Americans] are concerned about the unethical conduct by our public officials and discouraged by activist courts that try to redefine marriage...." And now here are those words put into action.

For full details, check out this article in the Baltimore Sun: Dwyer to Push for Judge's Impeachment. For information on Judge Murdock ruling, check out Equality Maryland's press release: Maryland Court Says State Cannot Bar Same-Sex Couples from Marriage Protections.

If you are a resident of Maryland, you can find and contact your General Assembly delegate by clicking here and following the appropriate links. Visit Equality Maryland for more information about that state's battle for marriage equality.

Oh my god! Ang Lee reads my posts on Big Queer!

Okay, probably not. But in the spirit of giving credit where credit is due, it was nice to hear that after the conspiracy of silence regarding Brokeback Mountain and all things queer at the Globes, Mr. Lee actually referenced gay men and women in his Oscar acceptance speech.

Of course I don't take back anything I said - the greatest allies of queer people in America's current political climate are and will be out, thinking, and active queer people - but it is still nice to be acknowledged. Besides, Ang Lee and the rest of the Brokeback crew whatever their sexualities were on the gay end of the prejudice stick last night. Not recognizing Brokeback Mountain as Best Picture was without question the result of homophobia, and while queers felt that sharp, sharp pain deep in our hearts in ways that perhaps they could not, I'm sure Ang & co. felt it to some degree, too.

So thank you, Mr. Lee for the movie and your words from one small voice (with one big mouth) in cyberspace.

Did they really fuck bareback? Did Mr. (Almost) Idol really ask for quarter turns so he could feel every inch of Mr. Starfucker's fuck tunnel? Did it come as close to being rape as it sounds? Or is Mr. Sf playing the victim because Mr. (A)I wouldn't return his calls? And how did Mr. Sf know Mr. (A)I was back online later looking for more action unless he was online doing the same?

Oh, wait...I forgot: I don't give a good goddamn!

The cult of celebrity is a dangerous and fickle thing, as I've shared my thoughts on before. And somehow I don't think that - even after Brokeback Mountain's 8 Oscar nominations - people are looking at Clay and re-imagining him as a latter-day Ennis Del Mar or at "innocent"-country-boy-cum-"dirty"-pornstar John Paulus and re-imagining him as 2006's put upon Jack Twist. No, national enquirers, all they see are a couple of self-hating faggots talking trash, screaming publicly about private sexual "perversions," and rattling around a celebrity closet. Because if those gays are good for anything, it's dirty, sexy, trashy entertainment about how they're all prostitutes, molesters, and rapists! Our straight haters love that stuff!

And, look at us: serving it up to them by the cumload!

It's a mid-term election year, and (so far) the tides seem to be in favor of the Democratic Party gaining some House seats with some challengers already leading Republican incumbents in the polls by double-digit numbers.

With all of the New York races that are going on this political season, however, it's a little hard for Big Mouth to take in the whole 2006 political landscape. So Big Queer readers, if you have any information or opinons from a queer POV about the races in your states, please comment on this post. This doesn't just mean information on marriage equality, immigration equality, transgender issues, or gay rights; please let us know where your states candidates stand on such queer issues as abortion, the seperation of church and state, and lobbyist reform. All of Big Queer's readers will thank you.